**I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

**When chemists die, they barium.

**Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

**I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

**I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

**This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

**I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

**I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

**They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

**PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

**Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

**We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

**I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

**Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

**When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

**Broken pencils are pointless.

**I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

**What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

**England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

**I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

**I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

**All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

**I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

**Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

**Velcro, what a rip off!

**A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

**Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

**The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.