I am too alone in this world by Rainer Maria Rilke I am too alone in this world, and yet not alone enough to make each hour holy. I am too small in this world and yet not tiny enough to stand before you like a thing; dark and shrewd. I want my will, and I want to be with my will as it moves towards deed; and in those quiet somehow hesitating times, when someone is approaching, I want to be with someone wise, or else alone I want always to be a mirror that reflects your whole being, and never too blind or too old to hold your heavy swaying image I want to unfold No where do I want to remain folded, there I am a lie And I want my meaning true for you. I want to describe myself like a painting that I studied closely for a long time, like a word I finally understood, like the pitcher of water I use every day, like the face of my mother, like the ship that carried me through the deadliest storm of all. | Taylor Mali October 7, 2012 A couple people who were at my show in Salt Lake City on Friday afternoon have asked me where they might read again the new sonnet I wrote for my first wife upon finding out that I am now officially divorced from my second wife. The answer is right here (but only for a few days because it is unpublished). News of My Divorce Makes Me Think of Your Death a sonnet for Rebecca Mali Tonight I found out that I am divorced. My second try at marriage, and it’s through. Relief is what I feel most, mixed with pain, of course, remorse, and just plain grief, which makes me think of you, you who knew such sorrow in your life, and all the ways that love in marriage fails, who was the first to call yourself my wife (with all the joyous burdens that entails). And though I miss you hard tonight, old friend, that’s not the only reason that I cry. Rather, I know a marriage now can end and there’s no need for anyone to die. Lover, at last, please leave me, after all these years, leave me to my grateful broken heart, and leave me to these tears. |
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